Here goes nothing. I used to be a drug addict. And an alcoholic. And a sex addict. And a people abuser. I would manipulate people into getting what I want. And a violent person, to walls mostly, but one time I threw a beer bottle at someones head because they wouldn't let me sleep in their bed. I want to let you know that no matter how far you have went, God is able to make all things new.
Here is the story of my drowning life and how Jesus walked on water to come get me....
First of all I would like to say that I was raised in church. My whole life I knew alot about Jesus but nothing about being in a relationship with him. People always ask how I got to where I was when I was raised the way I was but Jesus was a stranger to me, like a beautiful place you can talk about but don't really know until you see it face to face. Being raised in church also means nothing when your parents divorce when you are 14 years old and also move to a new public school when you have been sheltered your entire life. My morals changed gradually and I was sinking a little bit further ever day until September 2011.
Two weeks after my 25th birthday I started to get really sick. I had been in a severely abusive relationship with a guy I had no business being with and he had finally decided to break up with me. He was a drug dealer and had gotten me on any and every pill you can imagine. I know I was the one taking the pills but without access to them, I never would have taken the strong pain medications that normally people who are dying of cancer take to keep them from the pain. My pain felt worse than that.. because anyone who has been spiritually sick knows heartbreak is so much worse than even a physical death. I can now say I know both because on September 21st 2011, I almost died. I was throwing up for twenty four hours straight and started to throw up foam so I went into the emergency room and was immediately given iv's and the doctors were puzzled as to my condition. It took four people on both sides of me to find a vein to start getting fluids in me and one of the first things the doctors gave me was a shot of my favorite pain pill. YES. First of all, I thought if I admitted all the pills and drugs I was taking, I was going to be sent to rehab. I never thought that I might not walk out of that hospital. I was also not thinking clear enough to realize that the urine samples and bloodwork would tell the truth. After my ultrasound, my doctor came in and asked if I drank alot. In reality, I didn't drink anymore than anyone my age. I said no and he said that he was confused because my liver was failing. I had liver failure at the age of 25. I then remembered I had gotten a tattoo 3 days before that said "Guard your heart" and asked if that had anything to do with my liver. He said Hep C which affects your liver could be from a dirty needle from a tattoo (thanking God that didn't end up being the case) I then came clean with my doctor about my drug use and he said that the drugs had probally been cut with something my body didn't agree with and had caused my liver to fail. I was put in the ICU and that is about all I remember.
"She needs a liver transplant and even with one she only has a 50 percent chance of surviving. Without one, she won't make it." That is how sick I was, my poor mother. I feel so terrible for everything my crazy ways have done to her but I hope my life now will make up for it. Thankfully she is one of the most Holy spirit filled women I have ever met and she has been prophesied over that she has the gift of healing. She laid her hands on me and prayed over me that whole week.
But we all know how sometimes things get much worse before they get better. Ever pray for something and it seems like it would be impossible for your situation to turn around? God works like that a lot because he wants you to know that it was all him, it had to have been a miracle.
We were in the process of looking for a liver that would match for the whopping price of 1.2 million dollars but I got denied the match program from UCLA after they saw I had drugs in my system. Apparently money doesn't talk when there are other more well behaved candidates. Let me just say this one thing, I immediately fell into Jesus' loving arms throughout this whole experience. I have never felt so at peace as I did when I needed him the most. He is kind in that way that he doesn't care how long you have been away from him, when you need him, he is there and really he never left. Sometimes it takes seeing how bad things are without him to realize how much you really do need him in your life. And I needed my Jesus. My Jesus. MY JESUS.
I remember thinking "God, if that is how you want me to go, then just get it over with". But no, he wanted to give me a miracle so I would be a living testimony of his never ending grace and love. The doctors came in and started to say things were turning around. Every day, I started confessing that I was going to be better. A week from when the doctors started telling me I was going to die, I walked out of the hospital 100 percent healthy. My liver miraculously started working again. The doctors were in shock. God gave me a miracle. When everyone else says it can't be done, God says Yes it can. And after I walked out of that hospital, I was never the same. I can't be because I was touched by Grace himself and I will forever live my life testifying to his great love.
No, it's not "its not over till the fat lady sings" because unless God is that fat lady, "it's not over till God says, it is finished" and he is not finished with me yet and has in fact just began.
I am alive today because we have a God who is pouring Grace all over us. If you want to know this God that I am speaking about, give your life to him and begin to let him transform you.
Pray this as you give your life to him, "Dear God, I repent of all of my ways. I want to know you. I want to seek your heart. I want to know your heart. I believe that you saved me. I am ready to walk my new life with you. Amen." Buckle up, its gonna be one heck of a journey!!!!
