Fear or Believe

I am terrified this evening. I have been crying most of the night as I get ready to go back to Texas tomorrow. I don't want to leave but I know I have to go back and face my fears. Just for a recap, I moved to San Antonio to pursue a relationship which unexpectedly ended. I have been in Tennessee for the past three weeks letting my heart heal but I have to go back to reality. I have a lease in San Antonio and have committed to being there. Just now I am doing it alone. My heart hurts. It was hard to leave San Antonio and I fear every mile closer to Texas will be even harder as I feel I am driving towards a empty place where I have nothing. I am scared. I am broken. I am empty. Never in my life have I been more confused about what I am supposed to do with my life. The pressure to figure it all out is overwhelming and I just want to scream!

Anyone else ever had the rug ripped out from underneath you? People walked out of your life who you loved? Lost a family member, job, or maybe you did something to push someone away. You are left with a feeling of loneliness and confusion. Where do I go? What do I do? How about that you feel so alone that even when you cry out to God, all you hear is silence? You feel like even He has left you.

I have a lot of fear right now about the unknown but one thing I have to count on cause I don't have much left at this point is that God's promises are true. He keeps his Word. I have never had a moment in my life that I can look back on and say God wasn't standing there with me. If we fail to see Him, could it be we have taken our focus off what is important and looked so much at our problems, we don't see our God is so much bigger than our problems?

Here is my challenge to anyone who is fearful for what is ahead- Every time a fear or doubt tries to creep it's way into our heads this week, let's recognize them for what they are: LIES. And let's fight back with truth. Open up your Bible and start quoting scripture back to your fears. Your God will never leave you nor forsake you. He has plans for you. Plans that are good and not evil. He has chosen you. You are a child of the most high God. His love will never ever fail. He fights for you. Nothing is impossible for those who love Him. Truth always overcomes lies. Jesus always wins.

Dear God,

 Thank you for always keeping your promises. Help me to keep my eyes on you this week and to fight lies with Your truth. I love you and am so thankful for everything you do. Amen.

BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN

I am writing today with tears streaming down my face. I didn't want to share something so personal but I know God wants me to so here it goes. 

I lost someone last week who I didn't want to say goodbye to.. someone who decided their life would be better without me in it. And honestly, I never really thought it would happen. Sometimes, life really isn't a fairytale and is actually very painful. The pain from a broken heart is excruciating. I have no idea how anyone gets through it without Jesus. My heart physically hurts.

But there is one thing that happens in the midst of my pain that I wouldn't trade for anything. I become more aware of his presence moving in my life. My Savior reaches down and he picks me up. He tells me it is all going to work out for his glory. He says that I sow in tears for blessings. He promises that he knows the plans for me and that there is hope. There really is no place I would rather be even if it hurts this bad.

Our God is a God who promises that His love never fails. My heart in this moment is just a glimpse of what Jesus' heart felt like as the people He loved nailed Him to a cross. My heart breaks just thinking of how he must have felt and how I have sometimes made him feel this way. Our God loved us so much he came down to earth as a human so he could give us a better way. A human with real emotions and feelings. Joy, anger, jealousy, and yes, sorrow. He knows what we feel. So lay it on Him. He doesn't want you to have to carry your burdens. It's too heavy and exhausting.

 So here is what I say to anyone who is hurting right now. He knows what you feel. He cries watching you cry. He hurts when you hurt. The pain will not last forever. It does get easier. Let yourself heal and take JOY in your King. Your heart is safe in His arms. The wrong person leaving your life gives way to the right person. God sees faithfulness. He will honor your faithfulness. God has a plan for you. It doesn't include anyone who can't see what a precious treasure you are as the daughter of the most high King. Jesus loves you more than you can ever imagine. He loves you more than any human on earth could ever love you. Let him love you. Let him reach deep into those broken places and make something beautiful out of this mess. He makes beautiful things out of broken things. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is your constant. If you want a real love story, know that a man was thinking of you as he was nailed to a cross. And His love was so strong, the grave can't even conquer it. Isn't that what we all want? A love that death can't even stop it. Remember Princess Bride of Christ, you are royalty and you have amazing things coming your way. Only the best will do for a Queen.

Dear God,
I need you more than ever right now. I am hurt. I come to you with a broken heart and ask that you heal it and make it better than before. Help me learn from my past. I pray for the person who hurt me. I forgive them and I pray that you have your hand on them just like you have it on me. God, let your peace overcome me and help me to use this to propel me into what you have called me to do. I love you and thank you for always being my constant. I love you. Amen.