These are my Confessions

This might come to a shocker to anyone reading this but Christians aren't perfect. In fact, we are the same as you. Broken. Ashamed. Angry. Sad. But no one talks about it. And I would like to apologize on behalf of anyone representing Jesus that has made it seem like they have it all together. Because we all know deep down that there is no one who has a perfect life or is a perfect person. But why are we so ashamed to admit we aren't perfect? A very amazing woman, Caroline Barnett, who I have the pleasure of listening to speak occasionally at my church once said this quote which I try to live my life by now which is "When you go first, you give others the opportunity to go second." 

So here it goes. These are my confessions. 

I struggle daily. I want to punch my sister in the face sometimes. I think bad things in my head while I am driving about the person on my bumper in traffic. Sometimes I say those bad things out loud. I always wonder what people would think if they knew I was a Christian, like if I had a bumper sticker on my car how much of an embarrassment I would be to God. So that's why I don't have a bumper sticker on the back of my car. Real talk. I am very critical of others sometimes. I always hear Gods small voice reminding me to see others as he sees them. I worry a lot. I am very vain sometimes. I am also very critical of myself. I am selfish. I am abstinent now and will be till I say 'I do' (I had a huge problem before I found God and thankfully he lets me know daily that I am pure and white as snow to him) but don't think for a second I am clear in that category. I think about it and Jesus said that even if you look at someone and think about that person, it is the same thing. I have to ask God daily to control my mind and thoughts. I am lazy. I like to eat too much. I lie. I was a drug addict. And an alcoholic. And it gets way worse than that, anything you can think of, I am guilty of and the truth is I am the same as you- the drunk, the druggie, the murderer, the gay person. I am a sinner. I said I was going to be honest here so I am. Because I am not concerned with anyone who knows Jesus...

I am concerned with the person who thinks they have to be perfect so they have been waiting to come to God. Guess what? That will never ever ever happen. Because then a perfect man who died on the cross for you would have wasted his life and we wouldn't need a savior. But we all need a savior because we all have sinned and fallen short. Do you realize how much he loves you?

 He loves you more than his own sons beating heart.

 He cares for you so much he sent his son to come die on a cross. Jesus was murdered for you. So why are you sitting there doing nothing? He wants you. He wants the broken messed up version of you. Not the one who pretends to have it all together. In His Word it says he is close to the brokenhearted which might just be his way of saying that He wants us when we are broken because he is the only one who can fix us. And being broken is the best place to be. Because then he can mold you into whatever he wants. He is close because he is the glue that holds us together. Without my Jesus, I would be the mess described above. But because I admit I am not perfect, I admit I need a perfect savior. The good news is that he makes me whole and that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. He looks at me like those things never happened. We don't have to act perfect. In fact, I bet the man who died for us because he knew we weren't perfect would really appreciate it. Stop beating yourself up. He wants you to need him.

My name is Rachel Greene. I am a Christian. I am madly in love with Jesus and you just read my confessions.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you so much for dying on the cross for me and making it possible for me to be free from my sin. You carried my weight so I don't have to.. Help me to come to you when I feel the pressures of life building up and acknowledging that I need you. I need you Jesus. Come into my heart and fill me up with you. I want to be just like you. I love you. Amen. 

He is more

I am writing today because I haven't written in two months! I have so much that I want to share, though I have been having a shortage of time to write. God is so so so good. I have been through a roller coaster of emotions with God the last few months which have led me to my current state. And at this exact moment, I have never been more full of joy than right now. So here are some things that I would encourage everyone to remember as you are going through the valleys and even when you are on the mountaintop.

1. God will never ever leave you nor forsake you. He never leaves. He is always with you. If you don't feel him, don't be discouraged, press in. I have felt this way before but looking back, I realize how much he really was working things out.

2. God is for you, not against you. If something happens that makes you feel like God hates you, TRUST that his word is the truth. And he says he is for you.

3. He has good plans for you. Imagine what you think good is, then take a deeper look and look through the eyes of your Father. His good is way better than our good. Again, TRUST him.

4. He loves you. Let him love you. He understands your pain. It's okay to cry out to him. It's okay to let him know how you feel. He wants to be everything for you. Even your shoulder to cry on. Let him.

5. He is more. He is the love of your life. He is what you have been searching for, what your soul needs, the only person on earth who will always be there for you and will never ever disappoint. He is amazing. He will give you a joy that you don't even understand because your circumstances look like you should be weeping instead of jumping for joy. He is the King of all Kings. Your Abba. Daddy. The lover of your soul. He loves who you are deep deep inside. The person you hide from other people, he loves that part of you too. He loves your dirt. So much he died to cleanse you from the inside out. Let him be all that to you. And he will always be even more. Because he will continue to surprise you with more. More and more and more and more.

Okay, this was a short one but I know this is going to speak to someone's heart. Go cry in your bedroom and talk to him. Or dance with him. Or whatever your spirit is wanting tonight. Enjoy! XOXO

Top Ten Reasons to Embrace Singleness

Good Morning beautiful daughters of the most high God!! I want to encourage all of you single ladies out there because I know what it feels like but singleness is a gift!! Holla.

1. Your entire focus is getting closer to the Lord. No distractions. Just you and Him. I am learning (finally) to cherish these sweet moments with Him as a gift. He is healing my hearts broken pieces and making something beautiful out of it. I love my sweet mornings with the Lord.

2. You can go an entire day without wearing makeup or showering. You can eat an entire pizza and watch romantic sappy movies and no one will ever question you.

3. You can be a crazy cat lady. Or dog lady. Your pets are your children. You can talk to your pets like they actually understand you. It's your world. Anything goes.

4. You don't have to ask anyone's permission to go hang out with your friends. Or you can take a last minute vacay. Just get up and go.

5. You don't have to brush your teeth before you go to bed... if you don't want to. I'm just saying. I know. I am gross.

6. You don't have to share the remote. You can listen to music at the high volume. You can sing really loud and terribly in the shower and it doesn't matter. No one is judging you. Except maybe your dog or cat.

7. You can develop as a Godly woman without feeling the need to impress someone (therefore being ungenuine). Your motives are pure in your walk with the Lord. Just you and Him baby!!!

8. You don't have to shave.

9. You don't have to worry about buying someone's Christmas or Birthday or Valentines day gift. That stuff is stressful. I have never been very good at it and I am glad I don't have to worry about it!

10. You get to fantasize about your future wedding with your girlfriends... without freaking your boyfriend out. Yes, I have a pinterest with all wedding stuff. Yes, I have a wedding dress I am already in love with. It's my party and I can plan it if I want to!

Ok, I hope you enjoyed and feel as encouraged as I do after reading this!! XOXO

8 ways to a deeper relationship with God

Hey blog readers! Okay, so I am going to first update everyone on my current amazing life. I did it. I moved home. I am living in Knoxville, Tennessee again. I always said "Never again" but just like Justin Bieber says, "Never say never." I had been confused about where I was supposed to go and the Lord gently let me know it was okay to go home. So here I am!! God made a perfect way for me. I found the perfect subletter who happened to be a strong man who helped me load up my uhaul, and he did it with a total positive attitude the whole time. He wanted to help. I drove a Uhaul with my car attached to the back about 20 hours back to Knoxville. I had an apartment complex chosen that I loved and prayed that something would be open. I kept calling and someone answered the phone. Finally. She said that someone had just canceled their move in and that it was their only open apartment and I could move in the next day. HELLO GOD! I don't believe in coincidence, especially when too many happen, but I do believe in God. I am all cozy in my perfect apartment and can't wait to spend many mornings and days in the presence of our Lord thanking Him for all his goodness.

Okay, so several people have let me know over the past month that they admire my relationship with our Lord and I want to help you guys get there. First of all, I want to say that I personally am still striving to be as close to him as possible and will be my entire life. He is just that amazing. You want to hear his voice and get to a place of peace in your life, even when everything sucks? Ok. Good. Keep reading.

1. Spend time with Him. This seems really simple but it's not. The devil doesn't want you to get close to God. There will be a million distractions. Shut yourself off from the world and really spend time with Him. Devotionals are great but 5 minutes a day is not going to bring you to a closer walk with God. Any relationship takes quality time to develop into a strong relationship. If you only spent five minutes a day with your boyfriend, would that be a relationship? NO. And the same things goes for God.

2. Turn off your phone. Get alone. Go to the woods. Do whatever you have to do to not get distracted. I love facebook and instagram. But even I sometimes find myself looking at them, when five minutes ago I was reading my Bible and spending time with God. Stay focused.

3. Worship Him. Put on some music that will invite the Holy Spirit into the room. Personally, I love Bethel music. Sing your heart out to God and really means the words you are saying. Close your eyes and let him speak to you.

4. Get out a pen and paper. Ask God what he sees in you. Start writing what comes in your head. You will be able to pursue a relationship with the Lord more efficiently if you know what he sees in you. I know in previous relationships with people, if I know that they love me and the things they love about me, I want to be with those people and spend time with them. I have gotten in the habit of writing and asking things from the Lord and have many wonderful words from God written down in my journal. These are always nice to look through when you are having a rough day and will remind you that God is with you and never leaves you.

5. Obey Him. Are there hidden 'sins' in your life? Do you do things in secret that you think no one will see? Well God sees and knows all. He knows the condition of your heart and sin separates us from Him. So take a deep look inside and make sure you are doing everything you can to obey his commandments. If I ever feel far away from God, I always bring myself to a place of humbleness and ask God if there is anything that is keeping me from being close to God.

6. Serve others. I never feel closer to God than when I am being a servant. Get involved in your church outreach program. Or be a youth volunteer. Or find some clothes to donate. Or encourage someone. Do it for the right reasons and watch how much God's spirit flows in you when you are putting other people before yourself. Why are you so happy when volunteering? Because Jesus himself was a servant and you are more like Him when serving.

7. Watch your relationships with the opposite sex. I am a daughter of God. And I am head over heels in love with Jesus. I will not date a man or spend time with a man who does not love Jesus too. Going to church doesn't count. Yes, he should go to church but there are a lot of people who go to church who do not have a personal relationship with God. I want a man who leads me and he can't do that very well if he doesn't know where he is leading me. Sure, he can lead you to a bar or sex or an inappropriate conversation but find a man who will lead you to a deeper relationship with God. That's the kind of man I want be the father of my children someday. And you should too. Anyone who isn't leading you to God is leading you away. Pursue God and he will send you the right man.

8. Open your eyes. Take a walk. Open your ears. God is everywhere. There is not one place you can go that he is not there. He speaks in more than one way. Nature is often a way the Lord speaks to my heart but can also in a persons confirming word or in the Bible when scripture seems to be the exact thing I needed to read that day. Look for Him. And then don't be quick to take what he is trying to tell you for granted. Receive it.

I hope these tips help you get to a deeper walk with our Lord. Press into Him. Let Him be the love of your life. Worship and praise Him for everything he has done in your life.Can't wait to hear the stories of how God is moving in your lives!

Fear or Believe

I am terrified this evening. I have been crying most of the night as I get ready to go back to Texas tomorrow. I don't want to leave but I know I have to go back and face my fears. Just for a recap, I moved to San Antonio to pursue a relationship which unexpectedly ended. I have been in Tennessee for the past three weeks letting my heart heal but I have to go back to reality. I have a lease in San Antonio and have committed to being there. Just now I am doing it alone. My heart hurts. It was hard to leave San Antonio and I fear every mile closer to Texas will be even harder as I feel I am driving towards a empty place where I have nothing. I am scared. I am broken. I am empty. Never in my life have I been more confused about what I am supposed to do with my life. The pressure to figure it all out is overwhelming and I just want to scream!

Anyone else ever had the rug ripped out from underneath you? People walked out of your life who you loved? Lost a family member, job, or maybe you did something to push someone away. You are left with a feeling of loneliness and confusion. Where do I go? What do I do? How about that you feel so alone that even when you cry out to God, all you hear is silence? You feel like even He has left you.

I have a lot of fear right now about the unknown but one thing I have to count on cause I don't have much left at this point is that God's promises are true. He keeps his Word. I have never had a moment in my life that I can look back on and say God wasn't standing there with me. If we fail to see Him, could it be we have taken our focus off what is important and looked so much at our problems, we don't see our God is so much bigger than our problems?

Here is my challenge to anyone who is fearful for what is ahead- Every time a fear or doubt tries to creep it's way into our heads this week, let's recognize them for what they are: LIES. And let's fight back with truth. Open up your Bible and start quoting scripture back to your fears. Your God will never leave you nor forsake you. He has plans for you. Plans that are good and not evil. He has chosen you. You are a child of the most high God. His love will never ever fail. He fights for you. Nothing is impossible for those who love Him. Truth always overcomes lies. Jesus always wins.

Dear God,

 Thank you for always keeping your promises. Help me to keep my eyes on you this week and to fight lies with Your truth. I love you and am so thankful for everything you do. Amen.

BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN

I am writing today with tears streaming down my face. I didn't want to share something so personal but I know God wants me to so here it goes. 

I lost someone last week who I didn't want to say goodbye to.. someone who decided their life would be better without me in it. And honestly, I never really thought it would happen. Sometimes, life really isn't a fairytale and is actually very painful. The pain from a broken heart is excruciating. I have no idea how anyone gets through it without Jesus. My heart physically hurts.

But there is one thing that happens in the midst of my pain that I wouldn't trade for anything. I become more aware of his presence moving in my life. My Savior reaches down and he picks me up. He tells me it is all going to work out for his glory. He says that I sow in tears for blessings. He promises that he knows the plans for me and that there is hope. There really is no place I would rather be even if it hurts this bad.

Our God is a God who promises that His love never fails. My heart in this moment is just a glimpse of what Jesus' heart felt like as the people He loved nailed Him to a cross. My heart breaks just thinking of how he must have felt and how I have sometimes made him feel this way. Our God loved us so much he came down to earth as a human so he could give us a better way. A human with real emotions and feelings. Joy, anger, jealousy, and yes, sorrow. He knows what we feel. So lay it on Him. He doesn't want you to have to carry your burdens. It's too heavy and exhausting.

 So here is what I say to anyone who is hurting right now. He knows what you feel. He cries watching you cry. He hurts when you hurt. The pain will not last forever. It does get easier. Let yourself heal and take JOY in your King. Your heart is safe in His arms. The wrong person leaving your life gives way to the right person. God sees faithfulness. He will honor your faithfulness. God has a plan for you. It doesn't include anyone who can't see what a precious treasure you are as the daughter of the most high King. Jesus loves you more than you can ever imagine. He loves you more than any human on earth could ever love you. Let him love you. Let him reach deep into those broken places and make something beautiful out of this mess. He makes beautiful things out of broken things. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is your constant. If you want a real love story, know that a man was thinking of you as he was nailed to a cross. And His love was so strong, the grave can't even conquer it. Isn't that what we all want? A love that death can't even stop it. Remember Princess Bride of Christ, you are royalty and you have amazing things coming your way. Only the best will do for a Queen.

Dear God,
I need you more than ever right now. I am hurt. I come to you with a broken heart and ask that you heal it and make it better than before. Help me learn from my past. I pray for the person who hurt me. I forgive them and I pray that you have your hand on them just like you have it on me. God, let your peace overcome me and help me to use this to propel me into what you have called me to do. I love you and thank you for always being my constant. I love you. Amen.

Truth

Good morning! So I am going to do something new and just encourage the heck out of y'all. Lately, I have been more than attacked with feelings of unworthiness and being unloved. But guess what? The devil is a big fat liar. Because anything that God doesn't say about you isn't the truth but is in fact a lie so here are some lies that we get fed along the way and scripture we can use to fight the enemy.

LIE # 1  - YOU ARE NOT LOVED. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU.

Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with everlasting kindness."

LIE # 2- YOUR LIFE IS A HUGE MESS AND YOU WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope."

LIE # 3-  KEEP HIDING, IF THEY SAW WHAT YOU REALLY ARE, THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLE LOVE YOU.

Psalm 139 "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

LIE # 4- YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN, YOU ARE A FAILURE AND WOULD BE BETTER OFF NEVER ALIVE.

Psalm 139 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

LIE # 5- NO ONE CHOOSES YOU. NO ONE WILL EVER WANT YOU.

John 15:16 "You did not choose me, but I chose you. 

LIE # 6- YOU AREN'T EVEN WORTH PURSUING.

Hosea 2:14 "Therefore I am not going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." 

We serve an amazing, kind, compassionate God. He is never failing and pursues you daily. Take some time today to give thanks for all he is has done in your life. Tell the enemy to back off and that you are not his child and do not serve him. He must flee. Have a wonderful weekend!!

Dear God,

Thank you for being truth. Thank you for loving me far beyond what I deserve . Thank you for all of the amazing blessings in my life. Help me to see the truth and to recognize lies. Amen.

Tough Cookie

"...For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them." (Matthew 13:14-15)

Calloused- having calluses; having skin made tough and thick through wear, toughened, emotionally hardened, unfeeling

How many of us can say that we have tough skin? A tough cookie? Life has dealt us an unfair hand of cards and we have stood up to it and nothing can get through to us anymore. People have hurt us too much in this life so instead of moving forward, we have become paralyzed and accepted the fact that we would rather live life alone than getting hurt again. I am sure that a lot of us are guilty of saying, "Never again."

But have we also unknowingly said "never again" to God? I know that for a long time I blamed God for all the bad things that happened in my life. My heart was so hard that there was no way I could ever understand the deep love He has for me. I wanted no one to come near and get close to me and definitely not a God who had created me only to put me through misery, or so I thought. Man, I was wrong. I had laid my heart on the line time and time again for people only to get rejected so then how could the God of the entire universe accept me and love me for who I am?

Jesus was vulnerable. Vulnerability is part of becoming Christlike. He has put everything on the line for us. Will you accept Him? He laid it all down on the cross and he just wants us to accept his love. To love him. Could it be that our deepest fear of not being loved could become our biggest triumph if we could just lay it down at the cross? After all, Jesus came to save us but also heal our broken hearts. The callouses we have on our heart are there to keep us from not getting hurt again. But there is a better way.

Let Jesus heal your heart. Ask him to give you a new heart. A heart transformed by the power of a loving Savior. "And I shall give them one heart, and shall put a new spirit within them. And I shall take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances, and do them. Then they will be My people, and I shall be their God."  (Ezekiel :19-20) Softening your heart often involves breaking the resistant parts... so if there is pain, continue to hang tight to Jesus. You are asking for your heart to feel again. He will carry you through the pain. Blessings!!

Jesus,
Thank you for dying for my sins but also coming to heal my wounds. I want to let you heal my heart, I don't want to be cold anymore. Renew in me a new spirit hungry for you. Amen.

Metamorphosis

Here goes nothing. I used to be a drug addict. And an alcoholic. And a sex addict. And a people abuser. I would manipulate people into getting what I want. And a violent person, to walls mostly, but one time I threw a beer bottle at someones head because they wouldn't let me sleep in their bed. I want to let you know that no matter how far you have went, God is able to make all things new.

Here is the story of my drowning life and how Jesus walked on water to come get me....
First of all I would like to say that I was raised in church. My whole life I knew alot about Jesus but nothing about being in a relationship with him. People always ask how I got to where I was when I was raised the way I was but Jesus was a stranger to me, like a beautiful place you can talk about but don't really know until you see it face to face. Being raised in church also means nothing when your parents divorce when you are 14 years old and also move to a new public school when you have been sheltered your entire life. My morals changed gradually and I was sinking a little bit further ever day until September 2011.

 Two weeks after my 25th birthday I started to get really sick. I had been in a severely abusive relationship with a guy I had no business being with and he had finally decided to break up with me. He was a drug dealer and had gotten me on any and every pill you can imagine. I know I was the one taking the pills but without access to them, I never would have taken the strong pain medications that normally people who are dying of cancer take to keep them from the pain. My pain felt worse than that.. because anyone who has been spiritually sick knows heartbreak is so much worse than even a physical death. I can now say I know both because on September 21st 2011, I almost died. I was throwing up for twenty four hours straight and started to throw up foam so I went into the emergency room and was immediately given iv's and the doctors were puzzled as to my condition. It took four people on both sides of me to find a vein to start getting fluids in me and one of the first things the doctors gave me was a shot of my favorite pain pill. YES. First of all, I thought if I admitted all the pills and drugs I was taking, I was going to be sent to rehab. I never thought that I might not walk out of that hospital. I was also not thinking clear enough to realize that the urine samples and bloodwork would tell the truth. After my ultrasound, my doctor came in and asked if I drank alot. In reality, I didn't drink anymore than anyone my age. I said no and he said that he was confused because my liver was failing. I had liver failure at the age of 25. I then remembered I had gotten a tattoo 3 days before that said "Guard your heart" and asked if that had anything to do with my liver. He said Hep C which affects your liver could be from a dirty needle from a tattoo (thanking God that didn't end up being the case) I then came clean with my doctor about my drug use and he said that the drugs had probally been cut with something my body didn't agree with and had caused my liver to fail. I was put in the ICU and that is about all I remember.

"She needs a liver transplant and even with one she only has a 50 percent chance of surviving. Without one, she won't make it." That is how sick I was, my poor mother. I feel so terrible for everything my crazy ways have done to her but I hope my life now will make up for it. Thankfully she is one of the most Holy spirit filled women I have ever met and she has been prophesied over that she has the gift of healing. She laid her hands on me and prayed over me that whole week. 

But we all know how sometimes things get much worse before they get better. Ever pray for something and it seems like it would be impossible for your situation to turn around? God works like that a lot because he wants you to know that it was all him, it had to have been a miracle.

We were in the process of looking for a liver that would match for the whopping price of 1.2 million dollars but I got denied the match program from UCLA after they saw I had drugs in my system. Apparently money doesn't talk when there are other more well behaved candidates. Let me just say this one thing, I immediately fell into Jesus' loving arms throughout this whole experience. I have never felt so at peace as I did when I needed him the most. He is kind in that way that he doesn't care how long you have been away from him, when you need him, he is there and really he never left. Sometimes it takes seeing how bad things are without him to realize how much you really do need him in your life. And I needed my Jesus. My Jesus. MY JESUS.

 I remember thinking "God, if that is how you want me to go, then just get it over with". But no, he wanted to give me a miracle so I would be a living testimony of his never ending grace and love.  The doctors came in and started to say things were turning around. Every day, I started confessing that I was going to be better. A week from when the doctors started telling me I was going to die, I walked out of the hospital 100 percent healthy. My liver miraculously started working again. The doctors were in shock. God gave me a miracle. When everyone else says it can't be done, God says Yes it can. And after I walked out of that hospital, I was never the same. I can't be because I was touched by Grace himself and I will forever live my life testifying to his great love.

No, it's not "its not over till the fat lady sings" because unless God is that fat lady, "it's not over till God says, it is finished" and he is not finished with me yet and has in fact just began. 

 I am alive today because we have a God who is pouring Grace all over us. If you want to know this God that I am speaking about, give your life to him and begin to let him transform you. 
Pray this as you give your life to him, "Dear God, I repent of all of my ways. I want to know you. I want to seek your heart. I want to know your heart. I believe that you saved me. I am ready to walk my new life with you. Amen." Buckle up, its gonna be one heck of a journey!!!!

“Baptism separates the tire kickers from the car buyers.”  ~ Max Lucado

If the above quote is true, then I am officially a car buyer. Sunday was my one year anniversary with rededicating my life to God after many years of going my own way. Honestly, I was raised in church but never really understand the depth of God's love for me because had I known, I never would have strayed from my shepherd. I was baptized as a little girl but I don't even remember and shouldn't something as important in your walk with God be a memory worth keeping? I decided to get baptized again last minute after I felt God tugging on my heart strings. But something was trying to hold me back from listening to God's still quiet voice.

 

 "There is noone here to support you." "You have no friends." "Wait until you are around people who love you." Shut up devil. I was halfway to my car even though I brought everything I needed to get baptized when I remembered that being obedient and putting my faith in action is what it is all about. It had nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with my God and me. I turned around and found myself taking off my shoes and jacket and getting in line with everyone else. I know that it was something God wanted me to do because the devil was trying so hard to convince me otherwise. I was so nervous.I stepped in the water and honestly, I don't really remember much. I have no idea how I got underwater, what was said, and if I watched a video, it would be like I was watching it for the first time. 

 

But I did it. And that's what God looks at, if we care less about what others think than what he thinks. He looks at our heart. And on Sunday, I felt him saying "Way to go my daughter, I am pleased with you." And that is more important to me than anything in this whole entire world. Challenge accepted.... and completed. High five for Jesus.

 

 

Dear God,

 

Help us to listen to your voice above anything else. We want your will in our lives. We want to be obedient and please you. We love you. Amen.

The song of your heart

Ever had a particular song stuck in your head? You wake up with a song that it seems like your spirit is crying out? Today I had a song stuck in my head and really just the melody but I didn't think too much into it. I am going to be real and honest here because I believe in me being vulnerable with people who read this, it enables them to be vulnerable and open with God. My heart is broken and it hurts so I have been bearing my soul to Jesus. My facebook status is even reflecting what is going on in my life...

"After Jesus experienced the worst heartbreak of all time, where the people he loved nailed him to a tree while he looked at us in the eye and said "I love you", he could have stayed in that tomb but he got back up and rose despite everything that had happened. Moral of this story: Jesus lives in you and he got back up and you can too!!! ♥." 

As I was driving to meet with my small group of kids I work with at the Dream Center, the song kept playing in my head so I put it on and then realized the lyrics went right with what has been going on all day for me.....

"The Victory"
 On a hill Your blood was spilled
Your brow, Your hands, Your feet
With nails and thorns the veil was torn
To make a way for me, You made a way for me.

[Chorus:]
Jesus, Savior, my God, my King, my Lord
Jesus, Savior, the victory is Yours.

Wrapped and bound, they laid You down
A perfect sacrifice
But in three days, the stone was rolled away
Forever You're alive
Forever You're alive

[Chorus:]
Jesus, Savior, my God, my King, my Lord
Jesus, Savior, the victory is Yours
The victory is Yours

Death has been beaten
The grave has been conquered
Jesus is risen
Life ever after

I became overwhelmed by tears because I know what he was telling me, "I have already won your battles for you my child, the victory is mine, the three days are over and its time to rejoice." I then heard his voice say "Look at the sun" and there was a church's perfect steeple cross surrounded by the light from the gorgeous sunset. WOWZERS. Sometimes I can't even handle his love and how much he knows how to love me just the right way. I needed him more than ever today and he totally blew me away by his constant faithfulness and unfailing love. Jesus, the only thing I need is more of you. Thank you for showing up today and being the song in my heart.

Jesus, 
 I need you more than ever. Help me to realize daily how much you are the only thing I need and that you will never leave me or forsake me. You are always with me, every step of the way and I want to thank you for giving me the Holy Spirit to sing your song in my heart. Amen.


 

Passing the Test

Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; When times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14)

Anyone ever thank God when you are in the midst of a test or trial? Yeah right, why would I thank God when something bad is happening? Well in the above verse, the author tells us that God makes the bad days as well as the good. Our God is interested in our heart issues, in our attitudes. Of course it is easy to praise God when things are good but it is so easy to blame him when things aren't going exactly the way we think it should. But he plans out our course, he knows what is and was going to happen in our lives before they happened and he with us in the midst of our battles.

He wants good things for us but sometimes he has to shake things up a bit to get our heart in the right shape and the right beat and that is the beat and shape of HIS heart. 

Jesus had the very best heart of anyone who ever walked this earth. He came to this earth knowing he had a mission. There were a lot of people who disagreed with what Jesus was doing AND he still carried out the plan set before him. Not once did Jesus question God or complain about his life. He just said, "Here I am, what can I do?," and God gave him the most important assignment in all of creation... to save us from eternal damnation. It begins to make me think that if we began to praise God in the midst of storms and quit questioning God for what is happening in our life, we might just begin to see God use us in even bigger ways than we could have ever thought. 

We are Not trying to Please men but GOD, who TESTS our HEARTS." (1 Thes. 2:4)

But he has to test us to see who will pass the test. The greatest thing about this is that he is actually the one who will fight this battle for you if you let him. Just sit back, praise and trust him, and watch him amaze you. He knows what is going on in your life. He is the creator of the map of your life. He is the creator of the beginning. Can you imagine? No, you cannot. Our God is so amazing that we can't even begin to wrap our fingers on just how incredible he really is... Our God sends us tests so that he can fight for us and win for us if we keep our hearts pure and our attitudes Christlike. I vow to have a heart of Christ as trials are sent my way.

"He who OVERCOMES shall be CLOTHED in WHITE GARMENTS, and I will NOT Blot out (Erase) his Name from the BOOK OF LIFE; but I will CONFESS his name before My Father and before His Angels." (Rev. 3:5)

 God is giving us a chance to be overcomers. Just like Jesus. Jesus was given the biggest battle ever given to a man and he passed the test. And you know what happened. He overcame the world and rose from the dead on the third day. How is that for a happy ending?! Jesus wasn't just an extreme case of what could happen but he is THE example of what will happen if we let God simply be God. We can't lose with him as the fighter of our wars. He is giving us a chance at eternal life. He is giving us a chance to have our name written in the book of life. I think today and everyday, I will praise him for the tests he sends my way, because he is the teacher of the class, and he has already given us the answers, he is giving us the opportunity for extra credit and our passing grade will get us a field trip to sit with him on the right side of the throne as his chosen people. Our God rocks. The end.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to live forever for you in eternity. You have already overcame the world and want to fight my battles for me, you just want my heart to stay pure and trust that you really do win every. single. time. Thank you for sending me battles that have already been won. I love you and am so grateful for all the blessings in my life. In Jesus name, AMEN.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have Peace. In the WORLD you will have TRIBULATION; but be of Good Cheer, I have OVERCOME the WORLD." (John 16:33)

"God withdrew from Hezekiah in order to TEST HIM and to see what was REALLY in his Heart." (2 Chron 32:31)

"Since he himself (JESUS) as gone through SUFFERING AND TESTING, He is able to help us WHEN WE ARE BEING TESTED."(Hebrews 2:18)

Jesus makes you sparkle

I want every person, specifically women, to know that you are not alone. We all struggle with feeling not worthy enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not sophisticated enough. Not holy enough. Not kind enough. Not skinny enough. Not organized enough. Aughhhhhh! All of the pressures in life are enough to make a person go crazy. And you know what all these fears really are? Distractions. Distractions from keeping you focused on eternal things... cause if you are worried about that zit on your face, how would you be able to notice the look in a fellow coworkers eye that desperately needs someone to notice her? Or if you are so worried about your fashion choices, you spend the time you should be spending with Jesus to search the internet for fashion blogs that feature clothes you could never afford. The cycle is a never ending one because the next day you still haven't set your eyes on Jesus, and the zit is still there, and you still can't find an outfit for the weekend because you still feel fat and still can't afford the fashion bloggers outfit suggestions. There is nothing you can do about any of that!


Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

The only things that matter in God's sight is what can't be seen with the eye. He cares about your heart. Any time I am not focusing on Jesus, I tend to start picking myself apart and become an extremely selfish woman. I start to see flaws NOONE else sees and begin to play the comparison game. I am in the entertainment business so playing the comparison game is a death trap. Cause who likes to see an unconfident actress or pageant girl? Gross! And that is exactly what our enemy wants. He wants me to be so unconfident that I hide the woman God created me to be.. because acting like someone I am not and getting rejected is easier than the real me exposing herself and coming up short.

OR IS IT?!

The devil is a liar because being who you are called to be in Christ Jesus is the biggest threat to darkness. Because a true beauty is a candle in a dark world.  Because a beautiful strong confident woman is everything he is not... Because any of kind of real beauty is in fellowship with God. And that is one big problem for him. A woman who knows who she is in Christ Jesus and doesn't let fear keep her from being vulnerable to others is a very beautiful thing. I actually am feeling more beautiful just writing this blog and letting others see Jesus shine through me. You will never come up short when you focus on Jesus and let him be the source of your beauty.

You know that woman at church who has that twinkle in her eye? It is the twinkle of a cross shining in her eye. A cross that a man who was perfect in every way died for her and she knows it. She knows Jesus pursues her daily and she isn't afraid to let others see who she really is and offers herself daily to others. She is a woman who knows she is passionately and wildly loved by God. She is the apple of his eye and it shows in her eyes as well!!! Jesus makes her sparkle and he can you too!!!!

Jesus,
I want to shine from the inside out because you live in my heart. I am sorry for hiding myself and ask for your help to make myself more vulnerable to others. I am more than enough because your spirit lives in me and I am made in the image of you. Help me to see what you see and to not hide who you have called me to be. Amen.
 
 You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.(Proverbs 31:30)

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. (Psalm 34:5)