"Everything will be fine, just give me everything you have first."

Ok. Sometimes I think God is crazy. Honestly. "You want me to do what?!". This morning I am reading 1 Kings 17:8-16 which is about the widow who helped Elijah. God had told Elijah to go to a city where he would see a widow in that town who would give Elijah food. He asked her for water and then for some bread and she replied that she didn't have but just enough to make dinner for her and her son that night. Afterwards, they would starve. Elijah told her that everything was going to be okay and to go do exactly what she planned but first to make him some bread. God had promised that she wouldn't run out of flour or oil before he sent his rain. She was obedient and as a result, it says that she and Elijah and her family had enough food for a very long time.

I question why God wants me to do something.  He never really argues with me much but just gives me a simple "trust me".  He set up the widow woman that she was exactly in the right place at the right time. He knew it was the last of what she had and he still asked for it. How long do you think God had set up this divine appointment? "For I know the plans I have for you...." (Jeremiah 29:11). God knows things we don't know. And even though we know that our creator knew us before he even formed us (Jeremiah 1:5), we still question his plans for us cause they seem like too much.

Do you ever feel like you don't have anymore to give? I know for me, this is more about giving me to others more than things I have running out. I sometimes feel like I am pulled in 100 directions and I just can't do it anymore. "I am so tired, do I really have to go work with the kids at youth group tonight?" "I really really don't want to meet that friend even though I know she is having a rough time." "Why do I always have to be nice all the time?" "Everyone expects me to be perfect and I really want to just scream." AHHH. It goes on and on.

One thing I have realized is that just when I feel like I am about to run out of me, God fills me up with him. This is so backwards, it takes a lot of faith and trust. When I am obedient and go do things that I know he wants me to do even though they feel at the time will break me, he reminds me of his faithfulness that he is my God and he is with me. That when I am weak he is strong. That he will never leave me or forsake me.

“And Moses said, This is the thing which the LORD commanded that ye should do: and the glory of the LORD shall appear unto you” (Leviticus 9:6). Trusting that God knows what he is doing often is the very thing that brings me back to that closeness with God. You know what I mean, when you can sense his presence so strong in your quiet time and he is rocking your face off cause he is breathing on it so hard. I would do ANYTHING for that, I mean anything. And just the reminder to know that when I am almost empty, that he will always come through and bless me beyond measure, to have that hope that his presence will be overflowing in my life, I keep running the race set before me. I am not perfect. I don't always listen when I should but then sometimes I do. God teaches me something new everyday. We should be in constant improvement and being molded by the master sculptor.

 "If we allow Him, God will take us to that place where there is no one else to help us but Him"
-Camille Fronk, lecture on Women in the Scriptures, Brigham Young University, 2005

There has never been a time that I have decided to go to church or do something for God or another person that I have regretted it. NEVER. Those times when you don't want to go to church but go anyways? In my experience, they have been the most spirit filled services. My face is streaming with tears. Because God is literally overflowing out of me. God amazes me and shows me that if I can overcome that bit of self that wants to do things my way, he will reward me for doing things his way.

 Less of Rachel, more of God.