The ring was gorgeous! It was everything I had ever imagined. I was planning my wedding and getting married... Except I wasn't. Jake (name changed) had sent the ring via text message after "meeting" me 24 hours earlier on facebook. This should have been a warning sign that this guy wasn't going to be very careful with my heart but I didn't listen. Something about rings and weddings makes my heart beat a little faster as I am sure it does a lot of you unmarried gals. I gushed to my sister about this perfect man I had met and since she is the logical one, she thought this behavior was nuts and warned me that in the past, this kind of guy did nothing but destroy my heart. But I just brushed her advice off. I decided to drive to meet the guy 8 hours away so I could meet my future husband. He was going to be my husband, he was already looking at rings after all. I had a fairy tale weekend with him. I had butterflies more than half the weekend. He did everything right. He said everything right. And when I went home...nothing.
Everything changed. As a woman considering a long distance relationship, it is a necessary feeling that there is commitment in the relationship. But guys move slow. But I was confused cause the ring was moving fast. I expected a commitment after all the hours we had spent on the phone and the marriage talk and amazing time we spent with each other. He should know by now that I was the one. But somehow he didn't. He didn't want to commit to me. He didn't want to give me up but was okay with me seeing other people. I, on the other hand, had a sick feeling in my stomach to think of him going on a date with another person. And this imbalance of what the other person wanted resulted in me pushing him away as men hate pressure but women need commitment. I started behaving like an insecure woman and the (un)relationship ended.
My heart was not okay. Although I had only known the guy for a few weeks, I had already begun dreaming of our wedding. Because I am in my late twenties, I am very serious about marriage. I have a husband list and this guy exceeded everything. My heart had became attached to the idea of being Jake's girlfriend and maybe even wife. I was already in a relationship that had not even begun yet. I started to feel those heart pains that you feel when you know something is ending. The anxiety set in. I began questioning who I was. The enemy sure knows how to sneak his way in when you are feeling down. Don't let him. Fight back! But the great things about being a woman of God is that if you pour your heart out to God and lay your feelings on the altar before him, he always works things out for the good of his children. Always. So looking over that season, your heart is so valuable to your life. It is what pumps life through you not only physically but spiritually as well. GUARD YOUR HEART.
So here are some ways to Guard your heart:
1. Have realistic expectations at the beginning. It could happen but more than likely, no man is going to be madly in love with you in a few weeks. Feelings take time to develop. Yes, you are amazing and it is easy as woman to decide you want to be with someone but men need time. Give love a chance to grow.
2. Be aware of warning signs. A guy that says "I have commitment issues" has commitment issues. Most men do but if a man knows that and is warning you about his stuff, believe him. They are probably pretty bad. He is telling you for a reason. Another warning sign is a guy who moves too fast in the beginning. A guy who is so sold out about you without knowing you will probably slow down a little further down the road and as women, we have a natural tendency to fight that slow down of relationship pace. A man of God needs to be a man of his word so if he is making promises he can't keep or saying things that he doesn't mean, what kind of husband will he be?
3. Don't give all of yourself over to someone so soon. Let him discover who you are. If you share so much intimate talk and time with someone very quickly and it ends, you are left with a hole that shouldn't be there. Slow down.
4. Give them space. I say this but I am the worst at this. I know the few times I have been successful at giving space, it has worked tremendously in my favor.
5. Keep your dignity. You are a woman of God. Don't compromise the things you want in a relationship. If they aren't there, let him go. As women, it is easy for us to love anyone but let's be good to our hearts and only really risk them for someone we could see a future with. If the relationship does end, be filled with grace and dignity. Don't say things you don't mean. Wait a few days if you have to to get your emotions in check.
6. Keep God above everything. Make sure that he is still the keeper of your heart. Ask him for advice. Read his word for guidance. Surrender the guy over to God's will for both of your lives. You ultimately want to end up with the guy God chose for you so let God have his way!
I hope this encouraged someone. God bless!
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